


Labels suck!

by handulce



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Dudes Being Bros, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Han Jisung | Han is a Good Friend, Hwang Hyunjin is a Good Friend, Kim Seungmin-centric, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han, Minor Kim Seungmin/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Questioning, Sexuality Crisis, Soft Han Jisung | Han, Soft Hwang Hyunjin, Soft Lee Felix (Stray Kids), They're exes, band kids 00 line, its a part of his sexuality crisis, jisung and felix argue a lot but its out of love, jisung using his braincell for a good cause, on a girl, seungmin has a crush for like .5 seconds, why is there no good friend tag for felix wtf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:13:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28807890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handulce/pseuds/handulce
Summary: When Seungmin came out to his mom, the two of them had cried. Cried because Seungmin was finally opening up, cried out of relief that his mom didn’t hate him, that she still loved him and didn’t want to kick him out because he’s gay. Sure, sexuality was a new concept for her, but he could see her trying to understand the best she could, after growing up religious. At the time, the words, I’m gay felt like a rock were finally being lifted off his chest. It felt like the chains around his throat had loosened and fell, the chains that held his voice captive and tightened painfully were finally gone.But now, the words felt more suffocating than anything.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han & Hwang Hyunjin & Kim Seungmin & Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Kim Seungmin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin & Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix, Kim Seungmin/Lee Felix
Kudos: 24





	Labels suck!

**Author's Note:**

> so,,,, this happened :D im still having a tough time but i really needed to write this as i'm finally at peace with my sexuality,,., enjoy this mess!! (seriously, it's a mess hbshefhsbh)

When Seungmin came out to his mom, the two of them had cried. Cried because Seungmin was finally opening up, cried out of relief that his mom didn’t hate him, that she still loved him and didn’t want to kick him out because he’s gay. Sure, sexuality was a new concept for her, but he could see her trying to understand the best she could, after growing up religious. At the time, the words,  _ I’m gay _ felt like a rock were finally being lifted off his chest. It felt like the chains around his throat had loosened and fell, the chains that held his voice captive and tightened painfully were finally gone. 

But now, the words felt more suffocating than anything.

  
  
  
  
  


It wasn’t every day that Kim Seungmin went up to his friends for skinship, a majority of the time, they were the ones who went up to  _ him  _ with overly exaggerated whines, to which he would (forcefully) comply and (reluctantly) provide the touch they had craved. For example, now. 

He and the rest of his unruly friends were sitting on the grass for brunch, a little blanket sprawled underneath them. Seungmin had his head resting on Hyunjin’s lap, the elder toying with his hair mindlessly and reveling in the ‘minitiated skinship’ (Felix had so horrendously dubbed it,  _ ‘you get it? It’s minnie mashed with initiated _ !’) It was peaceful, save Jisung and Felix fighting over a cream cheese packet because Jisung forgot to get one with his bagel. But the bickering was a welcomed noise to accompany the gently spring breeze.

“Minnie, your phone rang. It was Snapchat, I think” Hyunjin hummed, taking Seungmin’s phone from a few inches away and handing it to the boy without a second thought. He grumbled out a short thanks, unlocking his phone to see who it could be. 

It was a girl in his class, she had replied to one of his private stories about a day6 song he had recently been obsessed with. He didn’t know why she was on the viewer list, he didn’t even remember what she looked like, but the fellow fan of the band was appreciated. Seungmin replied happily, raving on about the composition of their songs and how unique they were, growing delighted when he got the same energy in return. 

Seungmin didn’t once look away from his screen, not even when Felix and Jisung had turned to him in a desperate attempt to put their cream cheese fiasco to an end like he usually did. The three of them exchanged curious looks, Seungmin wasn’t one to text a lot, usually preferring to have conversations face to face. 

“Seungminnie! Who’s got you smiling like a doofus? Don’t ignore us!” Jisung whined, crawling towards the boy on the other side of the blanket to poke his cheek repeatedly. 

“Nobody! Did you need something, Sung?” He replied, hastily locking his phone and craning his head to the two sunshine twins. 

“ _ Yes _ !” Felix hissed, shoving Jisung to the side and jutting a finger to him. “Tell Jisung that the cream cheese is  _ mine  _ and I have zero obligation to share with him! It’s his fault he forgot to get one like a dumbass!”

Jisung rebutted, but his cries fell on deaf ears once Seungmin’s phone pinged, retrieving his attention from the useless argument and focusing on the girl with the good music taste. Seungmin giggled a little once she sent him a short video of an off-key version of ‘For Me.’

“I won’t pry because I know you like your privacy,” Hyunjin started with a low voice, pulling a little silicone band and tying off a braid Seungmin didn’t even know he started. “But who are you texting? A crush? You never told us you liked anyone.”

“Not a crush.” Seungmin frowned once the girl had to get ready to leave for their next class, brunch was almost over and he didn’t have their shared band class today. “Just someone who likes day6, too. Replied to my snap from last night.” 

“Ahh! So he’s a fanboy like our little seungminnie! A perfect boyfriend already!” The bell rang obnoxiously, Jisung and Felix shouted haste goodbyes to race across campus to their class. The two boys giggled at their antics, but got up slowly and rolled up their blanket neatly. 

“I’m gonna drop this off with Ms. Song,” Their English teacher. A nice lady, really. She let the four boys leave their picnic blanket in her classroom. “You better spill the beans about your boyfriend during lunch, minnie!” 

Hyunjin walked off with a giggle and a wave, and the word boyfriend had never felt so off putting to seungmin.

  
  
  
  
  


The girl is pretty, Seungmin comes to learn. She has bangs that are pushed to the side of her face, in much need of a trim, soft tan skin with freckles scattering across her body, and long gentle fingers. 

Maybe it was a little weird to notice that, but he couldn’t help but notice it as she was putting her flute together. As the disgustingly loud bell rang, everyone scattered to their seats to do warm-up scales, his eyes wandered to look for her. She was in fifth chair, he was first. A shame, really, he would have liked to talk to her more. Seungmin brought the flute up to his lips and played gently, running through all twelve scales and playing a few measures of their pieces to warm his fingers and lips. 

“Hey band --” Their band director yelled. “Hey, Mr. Choi!” He smiled gently at the mirrored reply. It was something the seniors from nearly ten years ago had come up with. “I’ll be busy getting together some things for marching band, today you can work alone or in pairs or groups, It doesn’t matter. The practice rooms are open if you’d like to use them! I’ll be in my office, make sure to practice your pieces!” The man sent a look to two giggling boys in the percussion section, Jisung and Felix to be specific.It was shocking to see how the two had gotten section leaders. “Dismissed.”

The class dispersed, people pairing up quickly within their sections and making their way to the practice rooms. Seungmin did the same, snatching his folder and making a beeline to his favorite one. Jisung and Felix were probably paired up, there wasn’t really anything he could practice with them, and Hyunjin was a clarinet. But the boy had a solo, so he would probably prefer to practice that on his own. 

Practice room 4C was perfect, Seungmin decided that all on his own. It was far enough from the band room so nobody would think to look for him there, the lightbulb was angled perfectly to the music stand, and the chair wasn’t nearly as squeaky and uncomfortable like all the others. It was a miracle how nobody had claimed that room as theirs. 

He started a metronome, and just as his count-off was about to end, the door opened suddenly and made his instrument fall down to his lap. 

The girl poked her head through the door with a grin, and Seungmin had this uncomfortably tight feeling in his chest that he didn’t know how to describe. 

“Do you mind if we practiced together? I need help with this part and Mr. Choi said it’s be helpful if I did it with you.” He nodded, scooting down the long chair and making space for the girl. 

“Can you play it for me first? I want to see where I can help you.” 

She smiled, making Seungmin’s blood rush to his face. Bringing up her instrument, she played through the measures she was struggling with, and Seungmin couldn’t think of anything other than how sweet and bright her playing sounded. He thought she deserved to place third chair rather than fifth. 

“How was that?” She asked him nervously, successfully snapping him out of his trance. 

“Your tone and dynamics are good.” He started, scrambling for a pencil to mark where he was talking about. “You’re holding the three-and for a bit longer than they should be, which is making you late to the triplets on measure fifty. And for those, try not to rush them, they’ll sound better when you’re more relaxed. Start off with playing them at a slow tempo and then gradually speed up until you get used to the fingering.” 

Her lips formed a little ‘o’, and Seungmin couldn’t stop but glance down at them. They were so pink. 

“Thanks Seungmin!” She gathered her sheet music and walked to the door. “You helped a lot! I’ll text you later, okay? I have so much to say about day6’s new album!” 

Seungmin smiled at her, and she smiled back at him. Her smile was doing something to him, but what? This feeling was so confusing, and he didn’t know how to deal. It couldn’t be a crush, it just couldn’t be. He’s  _ gay _ . He came out as gay two years ago. Just because some girl was interested in the same things he was and just because he thought she had the cutest smile and the sweetest personality doesn't mean he has a crush on her. 

Because he’s  _ gay _ , he doens’t like girls like that.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Seungmin drags the idiot trio to the library for brunch under the guise of needing to study for an AP unit exam. He needs the quiet to contrast the buzzing of his mind, and it wasn’t like it was a total lie, he did have an exam soon, but it wasn’t as close to the date as he had told his friends it was. Hyunjin and Felix have wandered off to look for a table, leaving Seungmin with Jisung to walk to the bookshelves. 

“Why did you lie about the exam?” Jisung starts with a whisper, making Seungmin flinch. “Chan’s in your class, silly.” He quickly explains, and the younger makes an ‘ah’ sound in understanding. 

  
“I just wanted to have some quiet today, I’ve been thinking alot about something recently, I guess.” The brunette hummed, pulling out an old Guinness world record book from 2013. 

“Do you want to talk about it? I’m sure Hyunjin and Felix won’t mind if we take a bit.” 

“No...I think I’m good. Just…”

Jisung glanced at him and smiled softly, an unspoken reassurance. Seungmin appreciated the gesture. 

“How did you know you were pan?” The question was quiet, just barely above a whisper, a mosquito’s buzzing on a late summer night could be louder than him. Jisung’s eyes widened slightly, but answered without hesitation. 

“I just kind of, knew, you know? After my first girlfriend and my first boyfriend, I thought I was bi, straight, and gay. It took awhile for me to decide on a label because labels  _ suck _ .” His nose scrunched with disgust, Seungmin definitely agreed with that. “But when I met Chan, I noticed a common thing was that they all made me feel happy, they made me feel safe. And that’s when I realized, I just want to be loved and I want to give love. That I was fine either way regardless of gender, that gender was never a deciding factor. Because no matter what, I just… love.” 

Seungmin didn’t reply to that, simply choosing to nod absentmindedly and pick more books off the shelf. 

Maybe Seungmin just loved. 

And maybe for an idiot, Jisung wasn’t half bad. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Seungmin finds out the girl has a boyfriend, he doesn’t spend too much time dwelling on it, he’s just grateful he found out before his crush (the word still felt a bit weird to say) could turn into something more.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Hey, guys?” Seungmin whispers one night, the four boys are at the Denny’s closest to their school, it was a tradition of theirs to go after every concert. The collar of his button up suddenly feels too tight under the attention. “I think I’m pan?” It comes out less confident than Seungmin had planned, but his friends send him bright smiles anyway, spilling praises and words of encouragement.

And if Seungmin’s eyes began to fill to the brim with tears, they didn’t comment on it, simply giving him soft kisses and hugs. It was definitely an odd sight, four highschool boys eating pancakes at nine in the night, clad in all black formal wear and clinging to each other in the cramped booth, but none of them cared. 

“It was hard.” He sniffled out, taking a napkin from Felix gratefully. “I had a crush on this girl, it didn’t last very long, but it was enough to make me question the one thing I had been so sure of for the past two years. Thank you guys. Seriously” 

“Minnie! I hope you know that you shouldn’t feel bad for questioning, there are times when none of us are always one hundred percent certain with our sexualities, and that’s okay. You’re so valid, minnie. Thank you for coming out to us, our brave dandy boy~” Hyunjin ruffled his hair and wiped some of the tears from the corner of his eyes. 

The rest of the night goes uneventful, Felix and Jisung get into yet another argument, this time about Felix’s habit of dipping his fries in his milkshake, and Hyunjin goes into another dramatic spiel about how they’re starving him of skinship (despite literally being crammed into a group hug not even ten minutes prior.)

Seungmin munches on his food happily, thanking the cute waiter for bringing his strawberry lemonade and apologizing for their ruckus. Cute waiter laughs it off and walks away with a wink. The past week was definitely hard and confusing, but Jisung’s words were more than enough help. 

  
  


Because all Seungmin does is love, he loves and he loves being loved. Despite his outward appearance, the boy was just a puddle of melted marshmallow at his core. He giggled without worry, ignoring the way his friends would tease him for the way Minho (the cute waiter) would send him winks and make sure he never had an empty cup. 

  
  
He took a sip of his lemonade, reminding himself once more  _ ‘im pan _ .’ And though it felt foreign, it certainly wasn’t unwelcomed.


End file.
